"You know how it feels when something hurts? I once had fallen in love with a boy, but he didn't respond with reciprocity. And I thought it was painful. And it turned out that seeing your mother die in front of your eyes hurts. "Mommy, don't sleep, you'll freeze," her brother says as he walks up to her. We'll never get to her grave, anyway. She remained in the damp, dark basement," remembered Katya.
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In the basement, the family went to the toilet, slept, and ate leftovers. “It was perhaps the fifth or sixth day when Uncle Kohl captured a pigeon, which we grilled and ate. After that, we all vomited,” she said.
“I don't believe in your God anymore”
“My mother held on until the very end, dying three days before our evacuation. I told my brother that she was asleep and that he should not disturb her. But he appears to have understood everything. He realized when our next-door neighbor died and we couldn't take her out, she started to stink. Then it was quiet, and Uncle Kolia pulled her out and was blown up when stepping on a mine. Mom was inconsolably upset. Uncle Kolia was the closest person to her after our father died.” Katya explained.
She closed her brother's eyes with mother's scarf so that he wouldn't see it. “While we were running, I nearly vomited several times”. she said.
“I don't believe in your God anymore. We would not suffer as much if He existed. You should know that my mother has never done anything wrong. She didn't even stay with Uncle Kolia in the same room until they got married. She, like me, went to church and confessed frequently. Uncle Kolia even gave up smoking so that our mother wouldn't worry that he was committing a sin. And your God took it away from you. Our priest promised me that my mother would devote her life to God. If only she could remain here and teach us." Katya told.
"I hate Russia. My uncle lives there. Do you know what he said to me on the phone today? "Katya? Which Katya? I'm not familiar with you, girl. Which Katya, what war?" Then he wrote the following from an unknown number: "Please don't write to me, Katya. It's risky for my family and me. And your mum cannot be returned." she said.
How can they act like that?
“...I believe I will return to Mariupol. And I'll be staying in the same place. And every time, on the same day, I'll walk down to a new house's basement and place flowers there." Katya believes.
“I don't want to live. We will probably be separated from my brother now. And I may not see my brother anymore. Why? Why was this Putin "saving" us? We lived well, even bought a car. Uncle Kolia promised to teach me to drive. They (Russians) even burned this car, and there is no apartment left anymore, I want to die, and I can't.” she said.
“If I survive and then I have children, I will hug them all day long." Katya said.
